It's a self-preservation thing!

There are certain moments in our lives where we want to say things, but we are unable to find the perfect words to express it. Or maybe we already know the exact things to say yet we don't have the enough courage to utter them. Especially, in specific situations where the things that you will say might affect someone else's feelings.

There are certain moments in our lives where everything seem so perfect, but we are scared that it might end any time. Consequently, we try to preserve our selves from getting hurt by ignoring that special feeling that's starting to grow.

Sometimes, we just want love the person with all our hearts, yet there's this tiny voice inside telling you not to. 

Yes, the so called self-preservation thing, the instinctive need to do what is essential to survive danger. The choice is yours to make. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE! <3

UPDATE 101

Hello there! So this is my first update, since ngstart yung 2012. Sobrang dami kong gustong iblog nung mga nakaraang days, yun nga lang, tinatamad ako, as always! Haha.

(FACT: Wala akong new year's resolution kase tinatamad akong pag-isipan yung mga ganung bagay!)

2011 has been a great year for me. Ang dami kong natutunan, sobrang dami kong nakilala (at my mga naging close pa) and above all, complete la gihap kami tak family na gin celebrate an Christmas and New Year! At sobrang dami pang dapat ipagpasalamat, diko nalang iisa-isahin! :)

For 2012, I'll deal with the cases this January tas dretso na ghap pagpasign kanan PRC. Start hit review by Feb, pero undecided la ghap ak kun where, then matake hit NLE by July. If pumasar, ma volunteer, if dire, mamiling hin work na kaya la tak powers. :)

Yun lang! Goodnight! :)

PS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY utro ate Christie! :) Cheers!

Yoshke!

“You don’t quit just because you’re not happy at the moment. The whole point of being in a relationship is that you, at the very least, try to work it out.” That’s why it is a “relationship.” It’s a relationship between two people. It’s a collaborative effort.

Every couple has their ups and downs. And when you encounter the down-side of it, you don’t give up just like that. You talk. You listen. You weigh things over. You work it out." - http://www.yoshke.com

I don't want to forget that line so I copied it here :)

Forget the title, and just go read my blog.

Like most of you may know, I am not good in grammar and spelling or sentence structure, proper punctuation marks, or anything related to English, may it be basic or not.

But yea, I love to share whatever's on my head. I'm not just good in putting it into writings or whatever. I write the way I want. I don't care about the wrong grammars (because I don't notice them most of the time). 

I love to talk. And I have a lot to say about random things. 

Few minutes ago, I just came into realization how boring and unproductive I am for the past few months. Internet became my life. My closest friends or even those who are not close to me know how I am addicted to these things. I love my laptop so much. And you would usually hear me say something like: "Basta my laptop la, I will never get bored." and believe me, I could stay in my room for 3-4 days straight , and by stay I mean, I don't go out, literally. I just surf the net, broadcast my senseless thoughts on facebook or twitter mostly.

Gawd! I could remember kun gano ak ka waray sense na post hin status. Haha. And I'm trying to change that now. For I myself, have experienced how annoying it is to read statuses or tweets that are completely nonsense. (Hey, you can always post whatever you want, don't mind me, I just don't want to post whatever it is that's in my head, but you, you have every right to do it, for the very obvious reason that it is your account.) 

So, as I was saying, maybe tonight is where I finally came to a point where I could honestly say that my laptop (plus the internet connection) isn't going to give me the kind of fulfillment or happiness any human person wished for.

Earlier, I was watching the movie "That's What I Am". And I could hardly think of any word that would fit in here "I am a __________, that's what I am!" At this point in time, I really don't know what I wanted to do with my life. I have stopped doing the things that I love kase nga diba mas gusto ko lang mag surf ng internet! 

I could remember events in my life where I felt complete happiness and fulfillment. One, is when I was on my way home from Sta. Ana (it's a barangay located in La Paz, Leyte), it was already dark, I was tired because I was driving that motorcycle all day, going to places where I need to fix some stuff (SK and Youth Ministry stuff mostly). It was a really busy day, I have to wake up early and organize my To-Do-Lists, so I won't waste time going to the same place twice because I forgot something. So that night, while on the road, all I feel was happiness. Trust me, it's really different when you really love what you're doing. 

There was also this one time, I was in a bus, it was right after the youth camp, and the feeling was really overwhelming that I could not think of any word that would be enough to describe how happy I was at that very moment. I remember, telling myself , if I die, I want that to happen after serving a camp.

Modesty aside, I was once a very useful person in the society. I have lots of dreams and hopes for my fellowmen. I seriously would want to end poverty. I have all the time, willingness to join any activity or organization that is set to help others. I was really motivated to lend a hand to anyone in need in every way I could. I was a public servant, that's what I was. And now, I kinda missed the old me. I missed the busier version of me. 2009.

I remember my brother sharing to me this morning about how their caroling went. Kumadto daw hira harayo  na mga lugar, he even described to me how kamakalolooy an kabutang han mga tawo na ira ginkantahan. And after singing, they are the ones who will give presents for the household members instead. And he was telling me, "Sayang, waray ka lugod makaupod te." Yes, bro! Sayang! Waray na kase ak iba maram himuon yana kundi pairalon tak kahubya pirme! Haha. Gosh! 

And sa wakas, dahil nagsawa na rin ako sa kaka-internet babad! It's time for me to go out, and explore the world once again!

I already had so much time for myself, sobrang na spoil ko na nga eh. Now, I have to learn the art of DISCIPLINE again. And I can't promise I can do that quickly. I don't want to promise anything actually, this is just me, saying that I want change and I'll start with myself first. 

GROUP TWENTY!

It may sound baduy, chaka (or whatever pat itatawag hini hit mga MEAN girls - you know who you are! HAHA) Ok la, just need to let it out, just so everybody will know how much I appreciate and grateful na kamo an akon naging groupmates for this semester (hopefully, last sem na!)

To Melody, whose laugh makes me laugh. Most of the time, late ka kase na react, ada kapa matawa kun tapos na kami magtinawa! (Omaygadthisisgreat) HAHA. You're kindness and innocence (about P**N stuff) reminds me na mayda pa talaga mga WHOLESOME na tawo na nageexist yana. PS. Sana dire ka ma-impluwensyahan ni gaspang ky nag-iinupod ka ha iya. BTW, minsan nag wowonder talaga ak kun maram kaba mag-isog? Haha. 

To Ate Tina, thank you tanan na imo assistance na ginhatag akon han tanan na aton duty. For being so generous pagpahuram hin BP, thermometer, ruler, ballpen tas bisan ano nala. Thank you kay everytime na KSS ak, ada ka, atleast I know myda masalo haak kun dko makaya. Haha. Salamat ate! 

To Tin-tin, now I know, dire tanan na mga maghusay maglain it batasan. Haha. Okay kaman ngay-an. :) I like how you say "buyag" everytime matotopic kun pira na kamo ka months tim uyab. haha. Salamat kay tungod imo may nakakaupod ak pagsasakay ha tricycle kun duty kita (dire man gud napasakay kun usa la)  Stay beautiful inside and out.

To Mimi, magka-group ngay-an kita mi? Haha. Anay baga waray ak naremember na moment nat. HAHA. Balit, salamat ghap tanan na imo bulig ha akon. Han first paghatag han list han GROUP 20, kamo la baya adto ni Gaspang tak close. Maupay nala nagkagroup ghap kita :) Thank you Mi.

To Gaspang, ano paba tak maiyayakan haim? Pirme ko man gin-eexpress tak pasasalamat na naging magsangkay kita, and I always get the same response, "EW" Haha. In spite of all your indecency and cruelness (cruelness??), I know that you CARE for me too. (Na-iimagine ko la tim reaction yana.HAHA).    Aylabyuu Gaspang! :D

To Maye, the super mom hit super kyut na baby! :) Nagkaka-ayon gud kita ky pareho kita mga hubya. Haha!  Cge la ton mai. Kaya nat ini! Matatapos ghap ini. *fingers-crossed* Pagkita nala kita tat mga make up duties :D Thank you for being so nice to me, bisan maram ak maaringasa na talaga ak kaduro danay. (Mingaw kaman gud la. Haha) Mwa!

To Kentzar, an pinaka makarangit ko na groupmate. Pero dire na yana, dire na duro. Haha. Maupay nala kay dire ka nag-iisog bisan gin bibinaraw tas gin-iinaway ko la ikaw. Haha. Kun dire kala balit uyab ni ate Jer, baadaw! HAHAHHA :D Balit Zar, peace kita! Good job han pag report han patho, dire tanan my guts para himuon adto. Proud na proud haim ate Christie! Haha.

To Ate Christie, tak pinaka CLOSE. haha. Thank you han tanan na encouragement na kuhaon ko it case. Dire ko la talaga love it special area (TOXIC!) pero, I will always be willing na mag-assist haim as long as you want me to. 'Til now, nagwowonder la ghap ak kun kay ano dire mo ak ginpapa-upod ha room tim patient kun na VS ka. Haha. Ui, thank you tim mga chika haak everytime nag be-bedside care ak. Maupay nala talaga na nagka-group kita, ky kun waray, dire daw kita magiging super friends! :) But seriously, thank you ate! Dire man talaga tood na "You DON'T CARE", you're just pretending not to care. Magkaiba it hira! HAHA! Alabyu ate Christie! :D

To Marvi, thank you pag pahuram tim BP, thermometer tas kun ano ano nala. Ikaw man gud la it ever loyal na nagdadara hito pirme. Keep it up! Ayaw pagtundog ha akon. Haha! Salamat. Salamat ha imo :)

To Clar, kun mayda man ako nahibaroan haim that is "Pasagde la ito kun busaan ka, basta may case." Ada ak hito nabilib haim balit. Salamat ha? Tanan na imo bulig. Keep believing! Kaya nat ini :)

To Kuya Doms, "All is Well" asya ito tim strength, super CHILL kala. Haha! Baga't dire ka gud apektado hit ka TOXIC tim environment. Haha. Salamat kuya! Chill la! :D

To Ate April, what can I say? Ikaw nat BEST HEAD NURSE. "Ate, my nebulization?", "Ate, aanhon ko adi?" "Ate, blah..blah". Haha. Puro nala ate. Salamat talaga! Tanan na imo bulig, as in TANAN. Damo adto dko kaya usa-usahon :) Yana la kita na sem nagkakilala, but mas naging close pa ak haim more than han iba na kabatch ko na han 4 1/2 years. Thank you for being so nice ha amon tanan! I will never forget adto na nangaon kita tapos ikaw talaga an nagreserve utensils for me, nakakatouch gud adto, guti la, but it means so much to me. SALAMAT Ate! :)

To Ate Malou, for being the leader han group. Tanan gud liwat kami natood basta ikaw nat nagyakan (Remember an moron te?) Haha. Salamat ate, ha imo ko gud nakita it true meaning hit group! Waray traydor, and because of you my UNITY kita. :) Salamat imo pag-resbak, han time na na-imbyerna ak! Haha. Ate ka gud liwat. :) Thank you tanan nim na bulig te! PS. Marasa gud liwat tim chocolate cake! 

To Danica, waray gud mabreak haim, self-employed-SLASH-student nurse pa! Damo tak nabaroan haim in terms of business. Haha. Ano man dan? Positive an PT? HAHAHHA! Grabe! Ikaw nat the best na echusera! HAHA :D Labyuu dan!


Hagee. Kakapoy man ngaen mag usa-usa ha iyo! Haha! THANK YOU GUYS! You've been such a great help ha akon. Dire kamo makuri na ka-trabaho (ka-trabaho talaga!)! Maupay nla na lelessen it ka toxic hit duty, ky ada kamo. Chill la! Karagtatawa la! Bisan nakadamo na kita panbusa-i. Haha. I will surely miss all of you and tanan na mga pagpinanlibak nat. Bwahaha! I love you guys! 

Hello OCTOBER.

Ang bilis lang talaga. October na naman. Good vibes! Good vibes! BTW, katatapos lang namin gumawa ni ate Christie ng requirement for RLE (take note: ONLINE), case presentation namin tomorrow and last day namin as Group 20! *sigh* Mamimiss ko tanan na aringasa, linurong, binuwa, buyayaw, porn, mga hinubya hini na am group. Of course, an cooperation, unity, an pabulig-bulig ha duty, an teamwork, an pangaon, an mga explanation letter (LOL) and tanan tanan nala amon gin-agian together. I'm glad that inspite of all the differences, (my maaringasa, my pirme absent, pirme late, my hubya, my histrionic, paranoid, may wholesome, aw waray ngean wholesome ha amon. Haha) we managed to stay as ONE.

Goodnight. <3

Nakakahiya rin pala!

Hagee! Makarawod. Haha. Napansin ko la na I've been talking a lot about you lately. Ew! I swear, dire na talaga. Dire na pirme, danay nala. :D

Balit, I should stop talking about you or whatever moments we had in the past or kung gano ko kapatay na patay sa abs mo. Nakakahiya. Ngayon ko lang narerealize na parang nagmumukha tuloy akong hindi makapagmove on. 

No blogs. No statuses. No tweets. Nothing. Wala na silang maririnig about you from me. Goodbye! :)

STRANDED.

I know it will never be easy, but I never thought it would be this hard. I would like to stop the hypocrisy for now, cause the truth is, I'm not really moving forward, not even an inch. Here I am, the very same person who cared for you so much and there you are, completely happy with someone else.

I miss you. Like, almost everyday. (And how I wish I could tell you that.)

HOPE && OPTIMISM

So yun, mag-eend na yung September. I know everyone's already worried about the upcoming deliberation which will happen few weeks from now. There were stories circulating in our class na may babagsak pa rin daw. However, it wasn't officially announced so I still hold on to the belief that it's a lie. Expecting the worst things now, won't be of help to any of us. And I guess the best thing that we could do is to try to be optimistic. We have to hope for the best, and sana maging effective lang talaga yung LAW of ATTRACTION. *fingers-crossed*

I feel sad whenever I remember na after next week, something's going to change na. Kanya kanyang buhay na yan after. I'm going to miss everyone. *sigh*

Dx: Paranoia!

I just wanna kill myself for being so sensitive-SLASH-paranoid most of the time! (KCl IV push. STAT!)

Napagsabihan yung group namin knina for not making our requirements. Ni isa walang may gumawa, ako lang, pero incomplete kase hindi talaga namin in-expect na i-cocollect yun. I felt so terrible for making that requirement, parang ang "TRAYDOR"  ko lang naman. Naiinis lang talaga ko kung bakit gumawa pa ko ng requirement! Bakit?!!!

As a consequence, gagawa kami ng case study for our patient to be submitted tomorrow agad. INCOMPLETE requirement, NO duty! Ang saya naman! :)