9:06PM 12/31/10
This has been a very challenging year for me. A lot of unpleasant things happened which undoubtedly affected on how I view the world and the people in it. Countless tears have flowed. Problems came my way. There are a lot of them, I could say.
The year opened up with a not-so-good experience. I was humiliated by a CI for failing to complete my requirements. I was sent home. I cried. It made me miserable for weeks. I became defiant. I could use a million of awful words just to describe how terrible that experience was. But I’m over it now. I have forgiven her, since it’s was a nice thing to do.
Let me share those things that I’ve learned out of it. First, I will never be like her. I will be more sensitive and professional in disciplining my students when the time comes that I’ll be a CI. I will never treat my students the way she treated me and the other students. I wrote it here, because when the time comes that I will forget my promise, this will serve as a reminder.
Second, I became more responsible in attending my clinical duties because I never wanted that awful experience to happen again.
Third, the next time it happens, I will not let myself be affected again since I’ve learned that nurses are good shock absorbers. I have to acquire that skill.
So that’s for January. Come February, my mom got hospitalized for a week. It made me worried. I was given responsibilities which made me realized that I wasn’t that same little girl back then.
When March came, I started going night outs. I did things which made me consider myself as bad. I started loving the things that I hate. But I hate it again now. I swear. But I don’t regret what I have done. It was fun, though it was just not the right thing to do. Not something to be proud of.
Passing curative 1, was one of the most rewarding things that happened during this month. I also passed RLE in spite of failing to go on duty sometimes. Got two days sanction for that.
I was able to have my psychiatric affiliation on the following month, a really unforgettable one. I was fascinated by the conditions of the different patients that I met. I can’t help but wonder what kind of world are they in? It was really a very nice experience to be in that hospital, how I wish we could have stayed there longer than two weeks. During the termination phase, I was teary-eyed. Too bad, we are not allowed to cry. If so, I would have cried that time. Goodbye’s has always been painful. Nevertheless, that experience will always be remembered.
By the way, it was also during April, when I met him and we became us. It was one of the best decisions that I’ve made. Although we don’t agree on some things, we fight a lot, and he tend to be difficult to understand sometimes, he has given me indefinable happiness that I only felt when I met him.
May was spent on enhancement duties, and before I knew it, June is already there. Start of classes as a 4th year student. Not long before the class had started, I had a varicella, commonly known as chicken pox. Consequently, I missed 3 days OR duty and a 6 days lecture on my other subjects. I lost my enthusiasm for studying. And this is where my laziness started. Still not a good excuse, I know.
July, August, September was spent on trying to understand my lessons, answering out of the world questions, trying not to sleep during discussions, writing my incomplete notes and not reading it, making efforts on going to class on time but failing over and over again, playing Dota with the girls, missing my class because of waking up late, 1 hour travel to and from school, and spending time with him.
October came, results were given. And tadaaaaahhh, I failed. It was painful, I tell you. I cried. But I’m ok now. Except when my mom will be reminded of me not being able to graduate this coming march. That’s terrible. When I think of all their efforts, I feel so guilty for not doing well in my academics. Nevertheless, I enjoy my loose schedules now. It’s fun. I’ve got all the time in the world to sleep and do unnecessary things.
As for November, I committed myself on serving the youth camp in Palo. It was an overwhelming experience. I have missed doing things that are pleasing to His eyes. It reminded me of who I was before.
Also one of the life changing events during this month was the retreat. It was really nice. I’ve realized that some people have also experienced feeling so worthless and sinning against Him. I tell you, it is really painful to be away with God.
And from that retreat, I realized how much I missed him. And how selfish I am for doing only the things that I want to do and not considering what He really wants for my life. But as what sister had said, our God is a forgiving God. I know he has forgiven me, even before I asked for His forgiveness. I have also forgiven myself for being so unworthy of His love.
Before the year ends, a very hurting event happened again, my pahabol pa. My grandmother died. I have accepted what happened, but I can’t help but cry every time I remember her. I missed her. (naluluha na ak yana). I’ll stop talking about it. I don’t want to cry now.
This month I attended a lot of Christmas parties. It was fun. Talking and catching up with friends. I am really delighted with this season of loving and giving. Wala ng sasaya sa Pasko dito sa Pinas. Before the conclusion, I want to leave this line from a song: May the spirit of Christmas, be always in our hearts. So this all forms my 2010. Unpleasant things have happened and I learned lessons from it. Good things happened and I thanked God for it.
Though, it has been a difficult year for me, academically and all the other areas of my life, there’s still a lot of things to be thankful. We must remember that one of the things that are countless, are the blessings. Have you started counting yours?
I will finally say goodbye to 2010. Wounds are starting to heal. Painful experiences are starting to fade. Lessons learned will always be remembered. Moments will always be cherished. I’m going back to who I was before: full of self-worth. I only have one New Year’s Resolution and that is to strive harder to be a better person.
With hearts full of hope, faith and confidence, as a say: HELLO 2011!
