Like most of you may know, I am not good in grammar and spelling or sentence structure, proper punctuation marks, or anything related to English, may it be basic or not.
But yea, I love to share whatever's on my head. I'm not just good in putting it into writings or whatever. I write the way I want. I don't care about the wrong grammars (because I don't notice them most of the time).
I love to talk. And I have a lot to say about random things.
Few minutes ago, I just came into realization how boring and unproductive I am for the past few months. Internet became my life. My closest friends or even those who are not close to me know how I am addicted to these things. I love my laptop so much. And you would usually hear me say something like: "Basta my laptop la, I will never get bored." and believe me, I could stay in my room for 3-4 days straight , and by stay I mean, I don't go out, literally. I just surf the net, broadcast my senseless thoughts on facebook or twitter mostly.
Gawd! I could remember kun gano ak ka waray sense na post hin status. Haha. And I'm trying to change that now. For I myself, have experienced how annoying it is to read statuses or tweets that are completely nonsense. (Hey, you can always post whatever you want, don't mind me, I just don't want to post whatever it is that's in my head, but you, you have every right to do it, for the very obvious reason that it is your account.)
So, as I was saying, maybe tonight is where I finally came to a point where I could honestly say that my laptop (plus the internet connection) isn't going to give me the kind of fulfillment or happiness any human person wished for.
Earlier, I was watching the movie "That's What I Am". And I could hardly think of any word that would fit in here "I am a __________, that's what I am!" At this point in time, I really don't know what I wanted to do with my life. I have stopped doing the things that I love kase nga diba mas gusto ko lang mag surf ng internet!
I could remember events in my life where I felt complete happiness and fulfillment. One, is when I was on my way home from Sta. Ana (it's a barangay located in La Paz, Leyte), it was already dark, I was tired because I was driving that motorcycle all day, going to places where I need to fix some stuff (SK and Youth Ministry stuff mostly). It was a really busy day, I have to wake up early and organize my To-Do-Lists, so I won't waste time going to the same place twice because I forgot something. So that night, while on the road, all I feel was happiness. Trust me, it's really different when you really love what you're doing.
There was also this one time, I was in a bus, it was right after the youth camp, and the feeling was really overwhelming that I could not think of any word that would be enough to describe how happy I was at that very moment. I remember, telling myself , if I die, I want that to happen after serving a camp.
Modesty aside, I was once a very useful person in the society. I have lots of dreams and hopes for my fellowmen. I seriously would want to end poverty. I have all the time, willingness to join any activity or organization that is set to help others. I was really motivated to lend a hand to anyone in need in every way I could. I was a public servant, that's what I was. And now, I kinda missed the old me. I missed the busier version of me. 2009.
I remember my brother sharing to me this morning about how their caroling went. Kumadto daw hira harayo na mga lugar, he even described to me how kamakalolooy an kabutang han mga tawo na ira ginkantahan. And after singing, they are the ones who will give presents for the household members instead. And he was telling me, "Sayang, waray ka lugod makaupod te." Yes, bro! Sayang! Waray na kase ak iba maram himuon yana kundi pairalon tak kahubya pirme! Haha. Gosh!
And sa wakas, dahil nagsawa na rin ako sa kaka-internet babad! It's time for me to go out, and explore the world once again!
I already had so much time for myself, sobrang na spoil ko na nga eh. Now, I have to learn the art of DISCIPLINE again. And I can't promise I can do that quickly. I don't want to promise anything actually, this is just me, saying that I want change and I'll start with myself first.
No comments:
Post a Comment